The Apprentice series 12 episode 8: Party to a disaster
Arranging a massive party can be one of the worst things in the world. Thinking of who to invite, who shouldn’t mix with who, if bringing your boss is somehow going to bring about your father-in-law’s awful war flashbacks, ensuring the caterers don’t kill the guests who suffer with allergies or stomach conditions and, most important of all, ensuring that you book a decent singing mermaid.
Essentially, if you were planning a huge important party, the last people on earth you would want to plan it would be a group of Yuppies who struggle with making door handles work.
However, here we are, week eight of “Lord Sugar’s Find Me a Business Idiot Who Will One Day Possibly Take Me To Court.”
The teams are woken early once again (they’ll be called before they’ve gone to bed by the end of the series) by the pretend secretary. They are to meet Lord Sugar at the National Portrait Gallery and find out their dubiously linked task.
The teams this week will need to put on lavish parties in top London venues. He chooses the London Aquarium for one team and Madame Tussaud’s for the other.
Dillon is project leader for the Aquarium team, while Paul nudges himself into the leadership position for the Tussaud’s party. Jessica wanted to do it, but Sofiane backed Paul seemingly because he was a man (this is a running theme this week) and Jessica is forced to make do with being sub-team Leader.
The teams begin to plan their night of lavish entertainment. On Dillon’s team, Courtney wants a dating night to go with the “more fish in the sea” theme, which doesn’t go down well. Instead Dillon suggests an “underwater theme” with singing mermaids – just what everyone wants.
Meanwhile on Paul’s team, Paul thinks an exciting casino will pull in the punters, to a room full of pretend celebrities. They begin to get carried away about the catering ideas and Claude worries that they may be getting too excited – he should know, he’s killed for less. They agree on selling tickets for £50 each and Paul says that if his Sub Team fail to sell them all, it’s definitely their fault. Excellent.
While Paul and Frances go and test the food, Jessica, The Female Jim Carrey (somebody stop her) and her sub team descend on city workers and try and sell tickets to their shite casino in a waxwork. Before you can say, “No thanks”, she’s dropped the price to £35 for group bookings (£10 discount if you are truly mentally ill). Meanwhile Sofiane is sticking to his guns on £50, until he finds out about Jessica’s discounts, which gradually turns this top sales event into a vast “trying to bath a rabid cat” exercise. Chaos reigns supreme, which is rather fitting in 2016.
Courtney and Gráinne try to drum up business for their underwater party but are met with as much interest as someone going door to door with a rotting bowl of fruit. Talking of stinking up the place, Dillon and Alana go and see the singing mermaids they discussed earlier. We are then treated to a Big Train sketch given life, a microphone and a song.
Dillon is enchanted (Alana not so much) and immediately declares he is going to dress up as a sailor. Hooray! The night is saved.
At Madame Tussaud’s, Paul and Frances find out that £50 for a ticket is far too expensive, so in a way Jessica has done the right thing, sort of – Apart from the fact that she has told everyone that the ticket price includes food, which it doesn’t. Oh dear. Paul decides that Frances should take over as Sub-Team leader and sort them out. I am sure Jessica will enjoy this as much as we all enjoyed Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.
Grainne and Courtney, meanwhile, find out that the Mermaid they have been telling everyone will be an exciting underwater event, will actually be a woman sat in a chair singing. This may well be a problem later on down the line, it’s too early to call at this point.
After doing some minor budgeting, Paul and Frances decide to cater the event on the cheap and use cream crackers with bits on top – you know, like you would at a squirrel’s funeral. Exciting times ahead for everyone that has paid £35. Jessica is also told that Frances will be taking over from her as sub-team leader, a fact that goes down as well as a cream cracker covered in cheap shite.
A member from each team is taken aside by the venues and told various facts for any V.I.P. bookings they may get who want to see behind the curtain. Trishna takes all the mannequin facts onboard immediately, however Courtney seems to be struggling with detail retention – though I’m sure this will all be fine.
As the events begin, Dillon comes bounding out in his sailor suit (which looks a bit big for him) and becomes the Abigail to this party. Dillon’s team have a problem, however, as they have made far too many free canapés and are essentially turning all of their guests into Mr. Creosote. That hot meal later may well turn out to be the “wafer thin mint”. One thing is for sure, no one is buying any food.
In the V.I.P. areas, Trishna gives an excellent tour of the mannequins, which impresses Claude, “That woman has got a photographic memory” – he says in a way that suggests he wants to recruit her as one of the X-Men. Courtney, however, delivers his talk about amazing aquatic animals in the same manner as a man who is showing you how a photocopier works. Karren is seriously unimpressed – and she’s involved with West Ham.
Paul’s punters begin to find out that the free food is not free, and begin to get a bit miffed. Paul then begins to hand out free burgers and bully people into thinking that they are having a lovely time – a risky tactic.
Dillon meanwhile is singing a song with the Mermaids. Karren suggests that the whole evening has the feel of a children’s party – shite games, forced fun and shouting. However, people are drunk enough to enjoy it and Dillon and his bored looking Mermaids seem to be getting away with it.
The events are over and it’s time for the boardroom. We are treated to some further shots of Canary Wharf, despite the fact that Lord Sugar doesn’t work on Canary Wharf, so it may as well be Jane Mansfield’s lobster filled arse.
In the boardroom, Karren slags off Dillon’s singing again, in a way that suggests that she actually loved it and also notes that Courtney’s V.I.P. tour was about as interesting as a singing Mermaid.
The numbers are in and Dillon’s team have won. Their “treat” this week is to go to Warwick Castle and muck about with swords. I mean. Seriously? How in any way is that a treat? They may as well be getting locked in windowless rooms with huge jigsaw puzzles.
Paul brings back Jessica and Frances and then gets pretty aggressive with Lord Sugar, who says nothing. Minutes later Jessica and Frances both become visibly upset and Lord Sugar tells them both to calm down – not a great look if I’m honest. Bit of a streak of misogyny this week (Paul and Sofiane were also slagging off the women earlier in the episode, too). Lord Sugar then points out that Paul IS in fact aggressive and that he is fired. Paul walks straight out without thanking anyone.
Sugar then once again tells the women to calm down, lovely. Silly women and their emotions, they should just be pushy and shout a lot, that’s how you earn respect in business. Urgh.
So there you have it, Paul has gone, which is nice. Only a few of these awful people left.
Next week: A virtual Alan Sugar tells them they have to make a VR game, hopefully an erotic one with a greased-up Claude and also, hopefully, minus the rampant misogyny.